The insecure fat bitch VS. The insecure skinny bitch

Damn. It’s been nearly 2 years now that I’ve started my fitness journey.. I remember there were many, many days I told myself that I would start dieting/working out come Monday and as the Monday’s came and went.. the woman I saw in the mirror was still big, fat and filled with nothing but low self-esteem. Although I didn’t recognize the severity of my low self-esteem, it was like a prison that I had entrapped myself in and allowed to play a big role in my life and the circumstances I was willing to live under.

March 2016 @ borderline obese  

March 2016 @ borderline obese  

Here I am, less than 24 months later and never in my wildest thoughts could I have foreseen where I stand today. I had no intention of ever seeing that woman in the mirror again and was very sure she wasn’t coming back but I was wrong.. there she stood before me, unrecognizable. And when she smiled.. you could visibly see where her cheeks used to be full and round only to look like wrinkles and loose skin in her forced half grin. I didn’t like her either and began to miss the old reflection of myself..

Less than 2 years, before and after pic

Less than 2 years, before and after pic

I envisioned my fitness journey to be a healthier lifestyle choice that I created by modifying my daily habits. But I didn’t imagine you could reach your ultimate goal weight and still feel so insecure, unhappy and self-conscious with the results that I literally bust my ass so so hard for! At the end of the day, I don’t know what was worst.. being a insecure fat girl or a insecure skinny girl! Call me loco but I can honestly say being skinny has made me feel more unsure of myself compared to when I was a self accepting big girl that just ate her feelings away.. big girl mentality is real thing and I am currently suffering from. Sounds stupid AF but the mind is a our most powerful organ.

Thank you for those who have supported me in the beginning, throughout and still today encourage me to work through all the self-doubt and insecurities! We all have them and I’ve always understood that beauty lays within but body image is a real topic we should discuss more because without a positive one, we can suffer greatly without reason or show no signs that such problems even exist.  

I continue to work on myself and hope to inspire others to find their happiness, too. I believe launching this blog will help my life goals and encourage my brothers and sisters to do the same for this is my testimonial..

Love, Ms. Thang 💋